Is anything certain?

Where do my ambitions lay? Do I even have any?

Lately, I have been getting “sparks.” The best description I can think of for this term is “a tense, overwhelming feeling.” Nervous anticipation, perhaps? But what am I anticipating?

Consciously, I am unaware of any goals I might have. The only time I knowingly have a goal, I write down a list — a schedule, if you will. I have developed a theory as to why this never works: restraints. Although effective for some, for me personally, a schedule leaves no option but to perform a task within a particular time frame.

That time frame is, in a metaphorical sense, a cage.

Then again, without a schedule, I never get around to doing anything — there’s no inbetween. Procrastination has become a close friend of mine, always whispering in my ear

“Do it later,” it will say, and the more I give in, the more it dictates me.

As a result, I have yet to accomplish any of the goals I set for myself.

My original career plan, and also my current one, is forensic psychology. I know this is a passion of mine. Yet I am wary of the reasoning — is it the “right” reason to want to enter this field?

Maybe I am oblivious. Then again, there is another possibility: at some point, I was so far in denial that I completely vanquished the real reason from my memory. A theory. It seems that most things are theories.

After all, if it can not be proven, is it not just a theory? Maybe even when it comes to hearsay or rumors — they could very well be theories as well. Then again, is something still a theory if everyone believes something to be true, even if there is no logic behind it?

The first scenario would mean that certain fundamental aspects of the world — such as morals, ethics, and perspectives — are all just theories.

Which brings me back to having a “right” reason for doing something; in my case, within a career field. If this were true, then right and wrong are also illogical, and based on facts solely there are no right or wrong decisions — things just are the way they are. Sure, I could back down at any time and choose a different field.

But whatever I choose, logically, it wouldn’t be right or wrong. And if it did become a past decision, it would be unchangeable.

The other scenario — if everyone believes it to be true, does that make it a theory? Possibly, possibly not. When really thinking about what’s within the realm of possibility and what’s not, the answer has nothing to do with what we, as humans, see or hear.

Everything, to me, is a possibility. I am not particularly religious, but I am open-minded. Monotheist religions, polytheist religions, and even agnosticism or atheism are concepts I haven’t ruled out.

I feel like every person in the world has their own perspective, and it all differentiates. We can never know who’s right and who’s wrong. We can’t even know if right and wrong exist, because every human being is biased.

Including me. My opinions, my personality, my beliefs, my outlook on events — it will either differentiate or have similarities to your’s.

It’s also, at least from my view point, a terrifying realization — that I can never know anything for sure, so what if the acts that I consider wrong are actually considered right in terms of some unknown universal law?

Or perhaps, on a higher level, rules don’t even exist.

Uncertainty plagues us as humans, and I believe that’s why so many people have certain beliefs — certainty keeps us grounded.

At the end of the day, both you and I can choose to believe whatever we want, but we’ll never know for sure if it’s true or just an illusion of the mind.